My apologies to the late George Michael for repurposing his album title, I will always be a fan.
When we start a conversation, listening is a key skill that we expect to use. Listening, however, is impossible if you ignore the phone that keeps on ringing! Last week I read that a quarter of Gen Z and Millennials have never answered a phone call. The suggestion is that the perceived pressure and anxiety of somebody calling out of the blue is something that over half of them expect to be a negative experience (the reason behind that is a whole new blog!).
It’s probably not surprising then that this 18 to 34-year-old age range relies on more asynchronous (non-interactive) forms of communication with over 70% preferring texting and 40% voice notes.
The anxiety about phone engagement is, for all intents and purposes, an aversion or fear of the potential ensuing conflict the conversation might bring.
There are 2 ways (or types) of assimilating information. Type 1 thinking is rapid, automatic, and unconscious. Type 2 is slower, more logical, and more analytical. In a world where we’re all busy, Type 1 thinking is all the rage – it accounts for 95% of all our total thinking time. Engagement, thought, and assessment get bypassed as they take too much time.
Type 1 thinking can be useful in the right circumstances, but it can also expose us to Influencing principles, like Authority – trusted experience and knowledge.
In Stanley Milgram’s famous experiment, participants were asked to conduct a series of memory tests on a subject (unknown to the participants, the subject was part of the research team). The participant was told to administer a series of electric shocks to the subject each time they failed to give a correct answer. The shock voltage levels increased as the test progressed. (The subject was not shocked, but the participant was led to believe they were.) As the voltage increased, the subject pleaded with the participant to end the shocks. If, at any time, the participants wanted to stop the experiment, a researcher in the room prompted them to continue. 65% of the participants went up to the highest level of shocks even though the highest levels were labelled “Danger: Severe Shock”. In summary, the researcher (the authority figure) persuaded people to perform acts they would ordinarily find morally reprehensible!
In our modern world, it’s not difficult to see how terms like celebrity, influencer, and billionaire can now be used as a proxy for “authority” – with resultant influence over many people. The links between Type 1 thinking, one-way communication, influencing and potential negative outcomes, now become even more obvious. Sometimes this can happen on a mass scale – something we’ve sadly witnessed here in the UK recently.
So, my advice to Gen Z and Millennials is to be positive about answering that call - engage and think more deeply when it counts.
If the call turns out to be unsolicited, from somebody trying to sell you a product or service, you can still say no.
However, if it’s a call that you need to get involved in – think about managing the process.
Listen carefully to the caller, if you need to slow things down or check your understanding, summarise back what they’ve said and make sure you have the right context.
Ask the caller more questions. You may want to understand why they keep repeating this point. Or why are they emphasising this aspect? You might wonder why they haven’t raised that subject. Try and find out more about their motivations and priorities. How do their answers work for you?
If you’re unsure and need time to think, consider asking to reschedule the call. A considered response is likely to be better, for all parties, compared to an immediate ‘yes’ under coercion. Whilst it may not always be appropriate to negotiate – if somebody asks for something from you, it isn’t unreasonable to ask for something in return.
The nuances, tone, and emphasis uncovered when we listen hugely increase our levels of understanding – reducing anxiety, assumptions and prejudice.
Sam Macbeth, 13th August 2024
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